Monthly Archives: February 2012

Season One, Episode Twenty-Four: Chubby Babies Wielding Arrows and Slutty Streetwalking Mailmen

Posted in Comedy, Humor, Random, Writing by

I hate painting my nails.  I always inevitably wind up smudging a nail somehow.  Usually it’s when I think my nails are dry and then I figure it’s safe to go pee and I smear them trying to carefully take my pants off.

Hi.

Well, anyway, I am sitting here contemplating an idea for a story that keeps tickling my synapses and researching ghost towns and drowned towns and thinking about how deliciously melancholy the idea of an entire town under water is.  I’m also thinking about fairy tales and possible names for my main character and how bright my nail polish is (China Glaze lacquer in Pink Voltage.  It’s very very neon pink.) and how much I liked the pilot episode of Smash that I just watched on Hulu.  The mind of a writer is a fantastic thing.  We multitask.

These are obviously not my nails because they are not smudged. No, these are phantom nails I found via Google.

It’s Valentine’s Day.  Yay.  This will actually be the first V-Day that I will not be at work or watching sitcoms over a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s.  I’m excited.  I’m not exactly sure what proper Valentine’s Day etiquette is, but I guarantee you that I will screw it up somehow.  I’m not exactly a particularly classeh ladeh.  Part of me keeps reminding me that there’s a new episode of New Girl on tonight and that I have chocolate gelato in the freezer.  To that schlumpy sweatpant-clad part of me, I say nay.  I will go get overdressed and put on an acceptable amount of makeup and venture out into bitter cold and snow to have a good time.  I’ll be like a hooker mailman (I just giggled at the mental image), but instead of mail I will be delivering…joy.  Yes.

Hmm. They look as though they were delivered some joy by a fat cheeked baby wielding arrows or a hooker mailman.

In other news, my unemployment was rejected on supposedly justifiable grounds, and I am not really wanting to fight the decision, although I have been advised by everyone and their mom to fight it until I get it.  I don’t really feel like fighting with my old boss.  That is a battle not worth fighting because I’ll just wind up getting pissed and I don’t need the stress.  I had four years of that shit and I actually like not having to deal with her anymore.  I might reapply, but if the state ruled that the firing was allowable, I highly doubt that I will receive any compensation.  Just saying.  I don’t feel like wasting time over $165 a week.  Hell, if I have to I’ll apply at Target or something to tide myself over until I find out what is going to happen with the casino.  I applied for state benefits, so I’m just waiting on a response from them.  I highly doubt that I will get rejected when my gross weekly income is nada.

I just thought I’d drop on in and write a quick post because I have been neglectful of a lot of stuff as of late.  This whole days blending together thing is really becoming an issue.  I’m mixing up my days of the week and sleeping a lot.  I think I need to find a routine hobby so that I don’t turn into a crazy person.  Maybe I’ll join the gym so that I have to actually leave the house on a regular basis.

Season One, Episode Twenty-Three: Breaking It Down Semi-Glee Style

Posted in Music, Random by

So if you’ve been reading my blog lately, you will have seen the love/hate relationship I have with a certain Lana Del Rey.  I can’t stand her voice and I think she’s a particularly shitty singer (Google her SNL performance and you’ll get what I mean), and yet I can’t stop listening to her stuff.  She’s definitely a guilty pleasure that I really would feel uncomfortable sharing in the presence of other people. Which brings me to my delightful Chasing Lala Facebook page question of the day:

I got twelve songs from my fabulous followers to create an awkward guilty pleasure playlist, and with the aid of Playlist.com, I created a fully listenable mix for you to crank up in solitary pleasure.  I’ll list the songs below 🙂

Awkward Guilty Pleasure Playlist:

1.  “Video Games”, Lana Del Rey

The song that started it all.

2.  “Control”, Missy Elliot featuring Ciara

DeLaina says:  Haha uh probably Missy Elliot’s Control. (You know the one ft Ciara)  I haven’t heard it in a while but if I did, I would blast it.  As long as I was alone.  Lmao.

3.  “Pumped Up Kicks”, Foster The People

Christina says:  Pumped Up Kicks by Foster The People.  That song is awful and yet I love it.

4.  “Candy”, Mandy Moore

I said:  Mine is “Candy” by Mandy Moore.  I love that song, but I will never openly admit it.

5.  “MMMBop”, Hanson

LeAnn says:  Mmm bop by Hanson.  It takes me back to my childhood, but I would be embarrassed to rock out to it with people around, lol.

6.  “Control”, Janet Jackson

Cressie says:  Control…Janet Jackson…93.1 Michael Baisdens like obsessed with her lol.

7.  “Toxic”, Britney Spears

Jennifer says:  Uhmmm ok I will admit it I have one guilty pleasure song and I can’t figure out why because I don’t like her music–Britney Spears’ “Toxic”.

8.  “Hips Don’t Lie”, Shakira

Jessica says:  Hips Don’t Lie by Shakira.  Hahaha!  That’s my workout song that I only listen to alone.

9.  “Sexy And I Know It”, LMFAO

Allison chose this song.

10.  “Safety Dance”, Men Without Hats

Brad chose this song.

11.  “I’m the Only One”, Melissa Etheridge

and

12.  “Let Her Cry”, Hootie and the Blowfish

Hannah says:  Without a shadow of a doubt…”I’m the Only One” by Melissa Etheridge, and “Let Her Cry” by Hootie.  Two nights ago, I actually sat in the Staples parking lot for 3 minutes while listening to the latter, there was no way I was getting out of my car with that gem on the radio!

Enjoy 🙂

(If for some reason the player doesn’t load, just click “pop-out player” and the player will load in another tab.)

Season One, Episode Twenty-Two: Musings of the Unemployed and Adorkable

Posted in Comedy, Humor by

It’s been like a week and a half since I got fired, and while it hasn’t been as horrible as I thought it would be, I have discovered a few things about being unemployed that I thought I should share with you.  Since I love making inane lists, I figured I would bust out my deep introspectiveness out on y’all that way.

Enjoy.

Things That I Didn’t Exactly Know About Myself Until I Lost My Job, Version 1.0 (Because I’m pretty certain that there will be more editions as the time goes by):

*I am pretty lazy.  I actually kinda sorta knew this about myself, but not having a job to apply myself to has really brought out the lazy side of me.  I’m sure some may argue that my sudden laziness and sleepiness could be depression from my firing manifesting itself, but I’m just going with I’m inherently lazy.  I slept for like 15 hours the other day.  In two evenly spaced increments of time…I think I got up to gather my laundry in a sleepy, stumbly fashion at noonish, and then proceeded to lay back down and sleep til 5 pm.  And I think I was momentarily confused as to why it was so dark, realized what time it was, said “eh” and got up to go deep fry some mini tacos.

…which brings me to another thing I’ve learned about myself.

*I eat.  A LOT.  Several times a day, as a matter of fact.  I kinda knew that I had a big appetite, but back in the days when I had a job, general lack of morale and the crushing sadness of doing inane work made me forget that I was hungry.  Now that I’m unemployed, I do stuff like sleep half the day and then get up and deep fry some Jose Ole mini tacos in my deep fryer and read the Steve Jobs biography.  I’m pretty sure I’ve gained weight in the past week and a half.

Mmm...Damn you, Jose Ole Mini Tacos. You're a tiny calorie-laden bomb of deliciousness.

*I really have no concrete sense of time.  Since I don’t really have a structured day except for when I go to casino class, I pretty much have blurred the line between night and day.  I have stayed up until sunrise a few times in the past week.  I’ve woken up after sunset a few times as well.  I might have been a Cullen in a past undead life.

*I have a pretty persuasive mind, that if taken into the wrong hands could very well be used for evil.  Like I listened to Lana Del Rey on iTunes and couldn’t decide if I liked her or not, so I Hulu‘ed her horribly awkward performance on Saturday Night Live and thought she was a crap singer.  But I couldn’t stop thinking about her song “Blue Jeans” and wound up talking myself into buying a few songs even though I think she is pretty awful.  I listened to them a few times and I was like “god, she is horrible” and then my mind was like “is she really, Lashawn?  Perhaps you should listen again”.  And so I did.

Oh, Lana, I know you are terribly mediocre singer, but there is just SOMETHING about you that makes me go "hmm...I have to listen to you again".

*I read.  A LOT.  I mean, I know I read a lot, I pride myself on my superb love of all things literary.  I learned to read at three and a half, reading is pretty much an intrinsic part of me just as much as my love of music or cheese.  But I didn’t know that I will pretty much read anything, good or bad.  I blame it on my persuasive mind (see above notation).  I also think it might have to be partly due to the crushing boredom that is starting to sink in.  I spent four hours on Wikipedia tonight, reading about random shit and random tangents that I clicked on in the originally random article I started four hours earlier.  I think I’m gonna have to dust off my library card before my brain starts oozing out of my ears from lack of superb reading material.

*I like the idea of exercising, but I don’t actually like to do it.  I think that I might have to talk myself into liking it though, if my thoughtless eating and laziness continues.  I don’t want to be the girl that gained 65 pounds after she lost her job.  That just seems like the beginning of a very slippery slope that could lead to some pretty serious repercussions.  It’s time to bust out my free weights and my Gazelle and the Pilates DVDs I bought a few years back.  And that Women’s Health book of 584546846 exercises that I got on a fitness kick.

I get a pretty good workout on my Gazelle, but Tony Little makes me giggle.