“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”
How true. I’ve been through a tumult of changes over the past few weeks that I hope will lead to a better, brighter Lashawn. I’m feeling pretty introspective and energized 🙂
First off, I lost my job Saturday. It is what it is, I’m not going to go into specifics as to who, what, when, where, why, and/or how. I just think it’s pretty cathartic to be gone from the dealership because I was honestly miserable there and I feel so much better now that I’m, for lack of a better description, free. I feel amazing. I’m sure I really shouldn’t, since I no longer have a regular paycheck or whatever, but I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. It’s been a long time since I felt legitimately happy…no more migraines, no more popping ibuprofen just to get through my work day, no more sick feeling in my stomach…It’s great. I already applied for unemployment and filed my taxes, so I’ll be okay financially for a while.
Which leads me to another broken string no longer holding me down to a miserable world.
Another reason I’m not exactly freaking out about my current lack of employment is that I sorta have something to fall back on. They’re opening a casino here in Cleveland in a few months, and I applied to be a dealer…I made it through my interview and orientation, and now I’m in the gaming academy to become a blackjack dealer. It’s a pretty cool process, and I’ve learned a lot since early December and have met some really awesome people along the way. I did my audition last night, and apart from a few minor snags, I don’t see myself not doing well. I find out how I did tomorrow, and I’m slightly nervous, but I figure that if this doesn’t work out, I’ll figure something else out. I think this job would open so many doors for me, and it will honestly be the start of a better life for me and Nicky.
I’m also going to take this newfound free time and use it to spend with Nicky and my friends and a few of those amazing people that I’ve met along the way down the road less travelled. I also think I’m going to try to attempt some of the things that I wanted to do while I was working at the dealership, but was unable to do due to my work schedule. You can’t really accomplish too much when you work in the middle of the day during the week and all day on the weekends with one day off. It was rough, so I’m gonna view this as a vacation of sorts and enjoy myself!
Oh. My. God.
I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I think I’m being attacked from the inside by the delicious kugel I just sucked down like a friggin’ Dyson. Ughhhh. But you don’t want to hear how the noodley goodness is doing roundhouses in my tummy. So I digress…
It’s January Fifourth (it’s that gray area between the Fourth and the Fifth, because to some it’s still nighttime and to others it’s early morning…I say it’s still Wednesday, but I know some of you may not concur with me and say it’s Thursday–and some people in the New Zealand/Australia area might even go a step further and say it’s nearly Friday), and I am contemplating the new year and the obligatory resolutions that come along with it. I don’t really get the concept of making resolutions, especially when people make crazy and outlandish ones that they never really keep. According to USA.gov, some of the most common resolutions made in America are as follows:
- Drink less alcohol
- Eat healthy food
- Get a better education
- Get a better job
- Get fit/Lose weight
- Manage debt
- Manage stress
- Quit smoking
I wonder how many people actually are still keeping those resolutions by the time June rolls around. I always feel like New Year’s and Lent fall too close together, and there is just way too much resoluting and sacrificing for Jesus and I just can’t do it.
Maybe I’m just non-committal? Could be. Whatever the reason, I have compiled a short, but detailed list of previous resolutions of yore and why they failed:
- Swear less. I’ve tried that one for Lent a few times too. It doesn’t work. I may look sweet and aw shucksish, but I have the mouth of a trucker. I think all my attempts lasted a few hours.
- Lose 10-30 pounds. Pfft. I love food waaaaay too much to eat healthy. I hate most healthy food and I can rationalize consuming half a package of Oreos during an episode of New Girl. That one has lasted me a few weeks, but I always crash and/or burn.
- Get fit. Yeaaaaaah…I lasted nearly a year on this one. I am a pretty vain person, and I like getting all buff and toned and wearing smaller pants. Who doesn’t? I am also a sucker for having super toned arms and a fit back, so this was a resolution that I enjoyed…until work derailed me and I fell off the workout wagon.
- Be a nicer person. I am, for the most part, a pretty nice person. Even more so if I like you or think you have potential to be included on my golden list of compadreship. But if I don’t like you? Oh that is a sad card to be dealt, because I am quite bitchy and mean. In both the preppy mean girl mean and in the smart person who makes mean comments that sail over your head and that you don’t really get until you think about it later. I can usually do good on this one until I inevitably run into a person that I decide I hate.
- Be less messy. Oh man…yeah, that one doesn’t get too far out of the gate. I don’t even know why I try to make that one, to be honest.
- Try to go to bed earlier. Um…yeah. You see how well that one worked out.
I decided that this year I’m just going to not make any resolutions and see how that works out. Ash Wednesday is February 22nd, and I have to come up with something particularly good to impress Jesus, so I’ll come up with a good Lenten thing to give up. Maybe I’ll actually keep it? That would be a first. I don’t think I have ever kept a resolution or whatever I gave up for Lent.
Wow. I am a non-committal, foul-mouthed, slightly chubby, mean and messy nocturnal Catholic who eats badly.
You can't argue with perfection.
At least I’m funny. That’s gotta count for something, right? 😛
I’m trying to catch up on sleep and a few side writing projects I’ve been working on, so this is like a mini post. A postlette, if you will. Ever since I was around eleven or twelve I’ve been a fan of Charlotte Church. Her voice is breathtaking, and her range was something I aspired to when I was younger…since my parents couldn’t afford voice lessons, I’d spend many an afternoon after school sitting on my bed with my CD player on my dresser, singing along to her albums, trying my damnedest to hit those crazy high soprano notes. I’m sure I drove my mom and dad crazy, but I loved her music.
I was messing around on YouTube tonight and on a whim I looked up Charlotte Church because I’d read that she’d tried her hand at pop music. Sure enough, I found a video of her baring her midriff and shaking her shaggily cut “rock star” hair, singing a song about being “a crazy chick”. Her voice surprised me because I was so used to her classical stuff, but I wasn’t impressed by the lyrics or the premise of the video. I clicked on one of the side links and found the song that I’m posting below. It’s called “We Were Young”, and it’s about her breakup with her children’s father. Her voice is beautiful, and you can hear the pain and wistfulness in it as she sings. I couldn’t find the album, Back to Scratch, on iTunes, but I think it’s probably available on the UK version. I really love the simpleness of the recording, it’s much more impressive than an over-processed, over produced track–and she touches upon her classical background a little when she sings. I love it 🙂 Take a listen, and don’t miss me too much, I’ll be back soon ❤